What House Are You?
by randireedus
Summary: Fluffy Kevedd one-shot. The two argue over what Hogwarts house Kevin would belong in.


It had been a long day for both Kevin and Edd. Kevin had had not only class, but a brutal soccer practice as the championship game was the following week. Edd was also exhausted from having three exams consecutively and misfortunately scheduled that day before volunteering in a program for the library to get kids more excited about reading. Edd loved children, especially given the opportunity to open their eyes to the wonderment of books, but it had already been a long day by the time he had arrived.

So that's how the two lovers ended up laid out on Kevin's bed in his tiny apartment, too tired to even put in a movie. They were cuddled up under Kevin's comforter, Kevin mindlessly swirling his fingers on Edd's arm as Edd rested his head on his chest.

"So how was your day, babe?" Kevin inquired, not wanting them to fall asleep yet. It was rare they got to spend too much time together what with their two busy schedules. "Think you aced your tests like always?"

"I surely hope so. I've been a complete zombie the past week in preparation. And afterwards I just wanted to decompress and sleep perhaps, but I had the reading program to run that I signed up for months ago."

"Oh, with the kids? How did that go?" Kevin asked. There must have been a long answer for that because now Edd picked himself off of Kevin's chest to sit up and look him in the face.

"It was fine up until I started telling them the books that I, myself, read when I was their age. I knew they probably wouldn't be familiar with most of them, with the generation gap and whatnot, but when I asked if any of them had read Harry Potter, I got nothing but blank stares! I was appalled, Kevin! These kids, ages 8-11, clueless on one of the most important generational book series of all time!" Edd was getting really worked up, throwing his hands up in the air in exasperation over these kids.

"Like, they hadn't seen the movies or anything?" Kevin wondered, a slight smile on his face from his boyfriend's excitement and distress over the subject.

"I guess not! I was just baffled. When I was their age, those books were such a perfect escape- the wizarding world was a home away from home! These poor kids don't know what Hogwarts is, who Lord Voldemort is, what house they'd be sorted in to… It's so sad," Edd ended, looking down and shaking his head.

"Well they're still young, yet," Kevin defended. "A lot of them might not be on a chapter-book reading level. I know I wasn't until about 11. But hey- what did you mean they won't know what house they'd be sorted into? You can't know that from reading the books. The sorting hat is the only one who'd know." Kevin himself had never read a Harry Potter book (don't tell Edd) but had watched the movies and heard his boyfriend rant enough to know what was missing from the books whenever he'd pause the films during their movie nights.

"Yeah, but you just sort of _know_. For instance, you can't argue that I wouldn't be a Ravenclaw, right?" Edd reasoned.

"I guess. You're all smart and stuff. And kinda weird like that Loony girl," Kevin teased, receiving a light push from Edd.

"Not all I was going for, but yes. What house do you think you'd be in?" Edd asked, even though he already had an idea in his head.

"Oh, definitely Gryffindor," Kevin said with confidence.

"And why do you say that?"

"Well, I'm brave. Kinda smart. And I'm a ginger. And don't all gingers get a free pass to Gryffindor?" Edd laughed at Kevin's nod to the Weasleys.

"That's a fair assumption… however, I would argue that you'd be a Hufflepuff," Edd disputed.

"What?! No way! That's the pansy house. And what even is their mascot, a beaver?" Kevin scoffed, offended at the thought of being a Hufflepuff.

"No, it is not the pansy house! Hufflepuffs are nice, loyal, fun-loving people. Like you. And it's a badger, darling, not a beaver. Badgers are much fiercer," Edd defended. But the defense fell upon half-deaf ears as Kevin had already pulled out his phone to search for a "What Hogwarts House Do You Belong In?" quiz.

"We'll see about this. I ain't no beaver, badger, rodent, whatever. I'm a goddamn lion."

Although Edd grimaced at Kevin's language, he was amused. _Such a silly boy_, he thought, watching his boyfriend answer the quiz questions with haste, mumbling the questions to himself. "Make sure you answer honestly; don't answer how you think a Gryffindor would."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm almost done anyway," Kevin said, waving off Edd's nags. He must have answered the final question because his eyes suddenly got really wide.

"HUFFLEPUFF?!"

Edd laughed until he hurt. His boyfriend's ridiculous outrage made all his exhaustion melt away.

"This is ridiculous, this test is rigged," Kevin pushed, opening up a different quiz and flying through those questions as well. Edd was still giggling when Kevin slammed his fist on the mattress.

"Hufflepuff again! This can't be right! I'm a friggin' lion!" Kevin contested again.

Edd then took Kevin's phone. "Have you even read the summary page?" Kevin shook his head no. "Let me- 'Congratulations: You're a Hufflepuff! Don't think that that makes you unimportant, though. Hufflepuff is an honorable, trustworthy house. They are loyal, hard-working, tolerant, and believe in fair play. They are also believers in hard work. Famous Hufflepuffs include the founder Helga Hufflepuff, author Newt Scamander, and Hogwarts Triwizard Tournament champion Cedric Diggory. All in all, Hufflepuffs are a great lot of people.' Now try to convince me that that isn't you," Edd scolded, looking Kevin in the eyes, almost challenging him to still complain.

Kevin gave out a sigh. "Okay, I guess badgers aren't that bad. Bet I probably could've won them some more Quidditch games… could've made being a Hufflepuff badass," he mumbled, still a bit bitter.

Edd laughed at his boyfriend. He wondered a moment if Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs got along well before realizing it didn't matter. He had his Hufflepuff right here, and he loved him.

"Hey, Kevin," he whispered into his ear. Kevin looked at Edd, wondering if his sudden Hufflepuff status was a turn on. "Hmm?" he responded with a sly smile.

Edd brought his lips closer to Kevin's ear before whispering again, "Will you get up and put on _Sorcerer's Stone_?" Kevin couldn't help but laugh. He "ugh'ed" and grunted, but all with a smile on his face as he got up and went to put the movie in. The two cuddled (in between Edd's occasional rants of missing scenes from the books) until they fell asleep halfway through _Prisoner of Azkaban_. Before Kevin closed his eyes, he looked down at Edd, wondering how he got so lucky. _He's so much hotter than Daniel Radcliffe_, he thought, before falling asleep and having a naughty Hogwarts dream about his lover and him having a go in the Room of Requirement.


End file.
